---Back in the High Life Again, Steve Winwood
"So many things have happened this year...so many events that have had a dramatic
effect on Me. Yet, looking back tonight I see they were all based around one
general theme...a questioning of My resolve and purpose...and the determination
to for one final time lay to rest any further questioning.
There were three ones whom played critical roles in My settling the questions,
the inner turmoil over whether I could venture back into where I believed Myself
to belong...that of a Dom...
Through long intensive talks with these three over the course of the year, the
questioning was ended once and for all.
"The dumbest person alive is the one who claims to be so brilliant...that he has
nothing left to learn."
I am always learning, always on a search for knowledge. However I do not believe
the learning comes from readings...rather from listening...and being around one
willing to listen to Me also...
friend is a word batted about quite freely in society, but to be a true
friend...not judging, not being judged...is what I learned from one of these
long talks about where life had taken E/each of U/us...about of E/each arrived
where W/we were..about how emotional walls had been constructed because of past
hurt, to protect from the possibility of future pains.
O/our roads had never been too similar, and never would the roads being traveled
blend U/us into O/one, but the ease of talking, the joy of listening taught Me
what it was like to just simply be a Friend and be able to love that feeling.
Patience is something I did not believe I had been blessed with. Hell, I KNEW I
had no patience, and had unfortunately demonstrated that in a few relationships
as of late.
However, through long intensive, and yes...sometimes emotionally-sparked talks
with another, I began to understand the need for patience in My life and in My
Though I wear My heart on My sleeve, I do not allow My heart to be easily
penetrated...unfortunately when that would occur, I would bullrush the emotion
and charge forth WAY too fast...
This one I was speaking at length with started constantly throwing the ideals of
patience at me, literally forcing Me to see how detrimental My bullrush with
emotions was to Me, and to any relationship...
one day...four words uttered....
changed My life and My perspective forever when I heard the words.
I had no idea then those words would etnernally change My life for the better.
oh sure, I'd often questioned My actions...My behavior...My resolve...My
purpose...but never...never...NEVER had A/anyO/one EVER the very foundation of My
being...if I'd never given anything else of Myself, I had always given
E/everyone the ability to inherently trust Me...everything I had ever done was
based in the foundation of trust.
Yet here was one I was building a relationship with (yes..I was still
bullrushing the emotions and showing no patience..~sheepish grin~) questioning
My very foundation...
devastated is an extremely mild way of explaining what I felt when those words
came across...Sure, I rolled about in self-pity for a while because of those
words..it was easy to do because I'd developed the ability to wallow in
self-pity quite easily over the previous few years...
strange though...this didn't last very long..why???
---Because one who taught Me about being a Friend was there showing Me that I
hadn't lost my foundation...---Because one who slammed the reality of needing patience into My skull used
this as a grand example of how being patient would have avoided this altogether.---and because of one whom encompassed the traits of the other two combined and
more...whom was there all along...listening...tempting Me to find
Myself..letting Me shoulder her burdens...willing to shoulder My burdens...
From was was for Me a somewhat embarrasing first meeting ~grinning sheepishly at
--To feeling an amazingly intense blaze of desire
--To being able to open Myself up completely and without hesitation
--To feeling the existance of absolutely no emotional walls whatsoever
--To discussing topics I had never felt able to talk over with another
--To the grand steps forward
--To the frustrating and often-times painful steps backwards
--To the amazingly bright light on what I'd believed to be the darkest of My days
The missing piece of My heartof My bodyof My mindof My soul
had been right next to Me all these months.
And yet four little words uttered by another
allowed My eyes to finally open enough
to see that My life's desire
was already right with Me
And with that realization, all the inner turmoil and questioning had been
answered..I did belong here..I did STILL possess the ability to be there for the
well-being and best-interests of another...I was back home again, and I was
falling deeply in love with My best friend.
If I could be King, even for one day
I'd take you as My queen, I'd have it no other way
and O/our love would rule this kingdom W/we have made
till then I'll be a fool
waiting for that day
---Change The World, Eric Clapton